Adjusting and bonding

I have had several people message me-particularly other adoptive families- wondering how things are going since our Gotcha Day. Well, last Monday through Thursday looked like this...

Monday through Thursday had tons of smiles and laughter. Kai wanted to do everything Sam was doing and, literally, copied everything Sam did (fortunately, Sam was a really good sport about it!). He called Chris baba and me mama. Things were looking pretty good....really, too good. Chris and I said that there could be no way that the adjusting and bonding would go this well (although, secretly I know that be both wished it would!).

Then Friday happened. Things unraveled in an instant. We witnessed a complete 180 degree switch. We knew from the moment Kai woke up that morning that we were going to be in for a change.
 As soon as a saw me Friday morning he began screaming, refused to change his clothes, refused to eat, and cried all day. When I say cried all day, I mean cried ALL day!  He also began pulling out his hair while wailing and flailing on the ground. His little heart could not take it, emotionally or physically. He would sob so hard he would cough and gag. His little heart would race so fast and his little lips would turn blue.

To keep my sanity, I took him out to the park for a walk - there I was, a blond American lady in the park with a Chinese kid with dirty pajamas, snot running down his face, a bald patch on his head, crying and screaming at the top of his lungs. Needless to say, I had several people stop and stare!

This was probably the day that he realized that he was not going back to the orphanage or foster facility. Up until that point, we were probably fun and novel to be with, but now he knew that this was not a temporary arrangement. He had nannies and other children that he was leaving behind. As much as we know that we can offer him a loving family, great medical resources, structure and stability, he only knows his nannies and facility. He was grieving that loss HARD. We have been preparing ourselves for this for a long time, knowing that adoption always involves loss. But, it was very difficult for us, knowing how to console him and help him trust us - along with trying to keep our sanity!

Our past few days have been similar to this - a whole lot of crying, screaming, tantrums (and that includes me - I ended up calling my mom in tears last night!). We have worked really hard on being affirming, loving, calm, consistent, and structured with him. Even with having his physical and TB blood test today, he has been doing well. He has only had 1 complete meltdown. To his credit, it was a good one - almost worthy of me buying a bottle of wine out of the vending machine at the medical facility (really, there is a wine vending machine there!). But, after a good nap this afternoon, things seem to be looking up!

We would appreciate prayers for Kai - that he continues to trust us and  bond with us...For Chris and I - that we continue to keep calm and consistent (and sane)...For Sam that he continues to be such a trooper while we are here. He has been absolutely fabulous through this experience and patient with Kai (and us!). He fell apart in bed last night; his words were, "I'm sick of Kai crying and I miss Ellie". I'm surprised that it has taken him this long to miss the dog! So, we'd appreciate continued prayers for all of this!